The More Things Change

Earlier today, I was passing time in a trivial way with a few not-so-trivial friends. I remember saying something to the effect of, "It's okay to be a heinous bitch, as long as you're hot." While this was just one line in a chorus of sarcasm, I began thinking about the truth and consequences of it.

Later in the day, I saw a friend that I haven't had the chance to hang out with in what seems like forever. He's been through some major stuff in the past year. And, as is the case with many of the people I care most about, I've been a useless friend through most of it. Darin, baby, I'm so proud of you.

In between those two events, I get a call that gives me flashbacks to college, from someone I would have died for at one time. I knew that tone of his voice, that unspoken desperation, and that sinking feeling that there's nothing I can do.

Of course I have a point. Be patient.

How much potential does physical change have to alter one's self? And is time more powerful an agent for change than experience? Or can one memory throw one full force back into old habits, healthy or otherwise? And when does one, after endless trying, throw in the metaphorical towel and give up on another when nothing changes or (even worse) when so many changes result in the unforgiveable?

I don't have the answers, but I can speak to some of it. Perhaps physical transformation doesn't really change a person. I believe that, when the change is positive, the outside finally matches the spirit that's been inside all along. "Baby, you look wonderful. And it's not just your body, it's that glow I haven't seen in you for so long." I know I'm now more comfortable with myself than I've ever been. Whether it's external stuff or experience, I still can't tell.

On the darker side, some things may never change. Addiction, elitism, narcissism, pathology, dishonesty. Maybe some have yet to experience that catalyst which will throw their world into a tailspin and force them to evaluate. Maybe they refuse to adjust. If one is any of the above, no amount of surgery or makeover will change the behavior. It may, however, reveal it.

So, what's the lesson here? I'm not exactly sure. But this I know........It takes a special kind of person to observe life's events and then choose to really improve themselves. It takes immeasurable courage to admit that this part of who one has been for the better part of one's life, is wrong. They blame no one else for where life has taken them, and take active steps to correct the balance.

They are my heroes.