And I was doing so well.....
There are inevitably things in every life that test one's limits. Some are minor, and you come through with no issues. Others challenge your very will to exist. In times like those, I guess people turn to whatever it is that should help them. Maybe that's a god, friends, a lover, shopping, food, an old addiction, or a new one. But here's the problem. At some point, all of those will fail you or kill you. Then you're left with the same demons that you were running from in the first place, and then some.
But here's something that I've been curious about since I was young. Why do we run for something better; an escape, a salve, anisthetic? What do you do when you have a cold? Chicken soup, tea, painkillers, maybe some NyQuil. But do you ever just have a cold? Why is there this overwhelming need for denial of the experience? Pain and suffering aren't exactly fun, but they're key parts of being human and alive. I won't pretend to think it's normal, but I've generally gone head-first into every experience, good or bad, if for no other reason than the fullness of that experience. Confront the situation and emotions head-on and embrace whatever the result may be. Children do it on a daily basis. It's part of their self-discovery and familiarization with the world. In adults, I guess it's masochism.
But regardless of one's natural tendencies toward managing this life and everything that comes with it, everyone will at some point face challenges that require a certain degree of suppression. Maybe you have to be strong for your family, maybe you're supposed to set the example, maybe you have to have the self control for both of you, maybe you'll get arrested if you don't, maybe you've got resposibilities and obligations to fulfill. When this happens, there will inevitably come a point when everything you've built up has to go somewhere. And god help whoever or whatever is around when that happens. If it's no one else, then it's yourself. Something will become the target of that release. For children, that's a tantrum. For adults, it's sadism, or something. Then comes the rationalization for the outlash, and the apologizing, and the lost friendships, or the broken homes after a divorce.
So, then, we're left with a choice of sorts, aren't we? Experience everything and risk the pain, or suppress and risk hurting others. That's over-simplification, really. There are degrees of compromise within each option and the blending of the two. Sure. But generally people will gravitate towards one or the other. I can't say which is better; it's relative to the person, really. Just like the threshold of what one can and cannot cope with.
I don't have the answer. I rarely do. Maybe the answer lies not in how you deal with what life has to offer, but in how that translates into the way you treat other people and yourself.
Just a thought.
