The Wisdom of Scott

Let me preface this by saying that only a handful of you, if that many will understand this. And I think I kinda like it that way.

Toys. Ah, remember childhood? For my generation it was GI Joes, My Little Pony, Pound Puppies, Stretch Armstrong, and Micro Machines. Yes, Micro Machines. I had them, I loved them. Shut up.

Now, there were toys that were awesome, and toys that sucked, and apparently we haven't outgrown the urge to want new ones, metaphorically. But you remember the deal, get a new toy, play with it till your eyes bled, which was about a week, maybe two, then toss it into the pile with all the others. But that's not my point. My point is, there are good toys and there are crap toys. For example, the Etch-A-Sketch is a good toy. You can be creative, express yourself, hone your hand-eye skills, and there have been great works of art that have come from this toy. Bonus? If you don't like what you see, you can just shake things up and make it all go away. Lite Brite, also a good toy. The Easy Bake Oven, not a good toy, unless you want (quoting Scott) "quarter-sized cookies and pancacke sized brownie loafs or something. You can't make spaghetti in an Easy Bake Oven." Same for the Snoopy Sno Cone machine. Oh yeah, we all had one, but was it really all that great of a plan? Things get messy and you end up with sticky syrupy crap all over you and the paper cup gets mushy and tears open and then you're just sticky and messy sad. Because your sno cone melted. The Slinky is a toss-up.

Anyway, I guess my point is that we really haven't changed all that much. I think I have, at present, a sno cone machine and a slinky. And you know, that's all well and good, but what if I really want an Etch-A-Sketch? Then we have a problem, cos my mommy didn't buy me one of those, and all the other kids have one and now I'm sitting here all pissed off cos I'm stuck with a stupid metal coil instead of what I really want. And everyone looks at my toy, and they feel pity. And dammit I don't want pity, I want a new toy! While it may not be an Etch-A-Sketch, I want that one toy that makes you forget about all your other toys.

Ultimately I think it kinda comes down to this. I'm playing with Barbies and Pound Puppies. I want GI Joe.

Icky

I have decided that I'm such a guy it's not even freakin funny. Wonderful. Maybe it's cos I've had to be the dominant force in every damn relationship I've had, maybe it's just how I'm wired. I don't know, it doesn't really matter why, it just matters that it is.

How do I know this. Check it. I think I'm a total commitmentphobe. Maybe it's cos anyone about whom I've even entertained the idea of marriage about has been totally unqualified (See: who I don't want to meet). Or maybe I really just can't commit to one person, or can't get close to one person. Who knows if it'll be like that forever, but that's how it is right now. Which leads me to this very guy-ish lifestyle. The second I think I might start actually falling for someone, or feeling something other than "I wanna jump your bones" then I bolt. It's kinda like that Meat Loaf song...."I want you, I need you, but there ain't no way I'm ever gonna love you." But hey, don't be sad boys, cos y'know, two out of three ain't bad.....

I guess somewhere in my subconscious I know that when the perfect person does indeed materialize then all that other crap will just melt away. In theory. Who knows. Maybe there was a time when I was just so completely sure that I knew exactly what it would like like, and nothing has since then. And that's damn annoying.

Seriously, this lesbian thing isn't looking too bad. If only I didn't like boys so freakin much. Maybe that's the problem. Too many boys. All boys, all still about 17 in thier heads, both of them. I know half of it is my fault, cos I like the boys that will never be good for me. Someday I'll learn they're called Bad Boys for a fucking reason. But god they're fun. Besides, and anyone who thinks I'm too much like a sister right now might wanna cover their ears, good boys aren't good lovers. Never found one. I'm hard to deal with, I need someone pretty hard core, or I'll walk all over you. So yeah...

And I've also become quite the snob. See again, who I don't want to meet. I've dated too many of the wrong people, and I'm tired to shit of it. Potheads, pillheads, cokeheads, losers, lazy boys, freeloaders, puppies. Oh dear god am I a puppy magnet. I'd like to find someone who doesn't swear undying love after two weeks, and oh god I can't live without you if you leave I'll just goddamned die. Fine, just don't get blood on my carpet.