I have been a pretty loyal fan of Alton Brown for a long time. I remember the first time I saw Good Eats. My inner nerd totally ‘gasmed as he combined my only artistic ability (yeah, cooking is an art, fuck you) and the science of why behind it. He’s also great with bad puns, and tossing in sci-fi references all over place. As a result, I have attempted (and mostly succeeded) in replicating countless AB recipes. I’ve found his methods produce the absolute best versions of familiar foods. Blueberry buckle? Check. Soft Pretzels? Check. Shepherd’s Pie? Check. Thanksgiving fucking turkey? Fucking check. And I’ve got a working list of things I really, really want to do. Bread pudding? Steak Au Poivre? I’m looking at you.
I’ve found his tech books just as entertaining. Gear for Your Kitchen will inspire you to gut your cabinets and refill then with more efficient hardware. Admittedly, I’ve always had a hard-on for kitchen tech. I love gadgets. Alton takes a wonderful approach to this stuff. Basically. You don’t need it. Gadgets that do one thing only will waste space, gather dust, and ultimately wind up in your next garage sale. Ask me how I know. Go ahead.
But back to the food. Because, let’s be honest, that’s why we’re all here. This is, hands down, the best thing I’ve ever learned to make from watching Alton Brown. Not because it’s the best tasting (well, it’s close). Not because it looks great (cos really, it kinda looks like cat vomit). But because it’s crazy easy, huge on flavor, cheap, and pretty fast. It has become a regular on the weeknight dinner rotation for pretty much all of these reasons. And you know, you get that “Chinese Food Fix” so that you don’t actually call Jade
Palace and order like a Gilmore.
It’s called má yǐ shàng shù. Translated: Ants Climbing a Tree. True Story. I’ve seen a ton of variations around the interwebs, but as mentioned before – AB’s recipes always give me the best results for my taste. Maybe it comes down to the simplicity (he tends to use less ingredients), or my specifically strange palate. Whatever. This is good shit.
So anyway – it starts with bean thread noodles and ground pork. Soak the threads in hot water and season the pork in this amazing mix of soy sauce, mirin, and chili paste. Once that’s all marinated for a half hour, drain off the noodles and get ready for magic. Heat up a big pan with a little oil. Like, over high heat. Hot, motherfuckers. Toss in the meat, and brown it up while breaking it into teeny tiny pieces. Add some sliced green onions, and cook that down. Throw in some chicken stock to give more flavor and then it’s noodle
time. Add them by handfuls and toss with the meat till they are no longer clear/white and have absorbed the color of the marinade and stuff. The small bits of pork will also mix in and cling to the noodles here as well. Top it all off with more green onions, and drool. Try. I mean, really try…not to eat the entire pan by yourself.
So there you go – 35minutes total, 30 of which is just waiting while stuff chills out. If you want the legit recipe and step by step instructions, I'd encourage you to look it up. I am in no way passing this off as my recipe, so the least you can do is Google it.
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| Cat food. Or vomit. Ignore. It's delicious. |
