The weather today was crap-tastic. Actually, it's some of my favorite, under the right circumstances. Those being ones where I can stay in bed all day, watch movies and eat soup. However, today I had to be at work.
There's something surreal about knowing your job will end in exactly ten business days. Oh wait, make that nine. What little motivation once existed to be productive or even look busy is gone. One on Ones with your team? No point. Listen to calls? Not so much. Work on projects that have been in progress for months? Nope. Everyone is going to different teams and that stuff is being handed over to admins. So what's left? Production? Ha. Like we've had any deals to work in months. You can always just mess around online and check out web comics and the like. I found the end of the internet, by the way. It's here: http://satkobes.smspurga.ru/c2h4cn.html
Minor distractions throughout the day include, but are not limited to: meeting with not one, not two, but three directors and a manager just to see "how I'm doing." Nothing like reminding me repeatedly on a daily basis that my plethora of contributions don't mean a damn thing. Oh, then there's gossip about the party on Saturday. Who got trashed, who looked like shit, I can't believe they're married to that, did you notice so and so wasn't there.... And the beginning of what I fear will be a neverending line of conversations that start with "So, I've got this friend that you should meet. I think you guys would totally hit it off." Note to my friends: if you ever seriously do that to me, I may never forgive you.
So the resulting situation: I'm at work, I don't give a shit about my job, and I want to be at home.
And then.
I'm at home, with my bed sitting right there, looking kinda lonely and rejected. Why? Now I want nothing to do with bed. I want entertainment. Maybe it's because I wasted eight hours of my life today and don't want to do it anymore. NOW I want to be productive. This isn't new. My mother often lamented the fact that I am mostly nocturnal. So, a little from column A, a little from column B, but I still have nothing to do.
So, my observations.
1. The grass is not always greener somewhere else. It's human to never really be satisfied with where you are, but this is ridiculous. I know better. It will not be fun to call that person up and go hang out. I know I'll be miserable the entire time. Then I'm just using them for my own amusement, which isn't really a nice thing to do. And, since I wouldn't be having a good time, the bad Karma would be squandered on something that's not really worth it. But here's the progress I've made.....I resist the urge and don't call. Hooray for maturity.
2. I still, STILL, have not learned how to spend large amounts of time with myself. As an only child, you would think I'd be used to that. Did it all the time. Maybe that's why I hate it now. Maybe I just hate who I am now more than I did when I was a kiddo. I'm not so sure I'd be friends with me. And that, I've decided, is A Big Problem.
3. I will never understand why I want ice cream when it's freezing outside. Never.
4. I'm a spoiled brat.
5. I must be getting happier. I don't really have anything to write about. I've found that I can only be creative and expressive when I'm not doing so well. Here's where I apologize for wasting your time if you were hoping for something substantial. I'm taking requests, if anyone wants me to wax philosophical about their favorite topic or argument.
