A Restraining Order is Just Another Way of Saying I Love You

I think I may have figured out something that I probably knew all along. But it feels good to get it back into my head again, a place it hasn't been since I was about 15.

Ready? Are you paying attention? Cos this is important.

I may have unlocked the secret to happiness within a relationship. Or at least what it should ideally look like. I never said I knew how to make it happen, that is for another day.

I listen to certain music from Back When and realize how much I related to a lot of what was being said. I remember thinking "That is how I want to feel." But here's the twist. It never occurred to me that that is how I wanted the other person to feel as well. Then one day my feeling was gone and other people were all but gushing with what I wasn't. There wasn't that balance. So I kinda closed off, intentionally or not, and haven't felt like that since. And that sucks.

So, timeline...I wanna do everything and be everything for him. He wants the same. Life is good. Fall out of love. I want him to be everything and do everything for me. Present. Neat how I can put eight years into three lines, huh?

This might not make sense to everyone, cos it's hard to put it into words when something like this clicks in your head. So, yeah. I'm not saying this was inspired by anyone in my life, quite the opposite, but that's ok. What matters is that it's now part of my waking consious again. And this is a Good Thing.

I now go back and look at past relationships and wonder if they would have been Forever had I pulled my head out of my ass for two seconds. But, such is life I suppose.

Now, if you'll excuse me, I'm off to conquer the world. Take my messages, I'll pick them up when I return.

The Wisdom of DFonten

I think I miss my old Team Leader. Life under the the DF style of management, or lack thereof, was a daily adventure. I miss our little chats about life, work, and the universe. They were especially entertaining on a busy Saturday, when I had more than enough work to keep me busy for more than my eight hours.

"So, Jen, you work a lot now that you're out of school."

"Yeah..."

"Ever get bored?"

"Yeah, now that I don't have a million things to do when I get home, it's kinda wierd..."

"You need a hobby."

"And what, in your infinite wisdom, should that hobby be?"

"Triathalons."

"No."

"How about a drug habit?"

Silence....

Amazing, isn't it? Welcome to my world. But you know, he may have been on to something. I can't possibly tell you how many times I've just sat down, totally exhausted with life in general, and wondered why I quit doing drugs. Ask my best friend. She, too, wonders why we quit. So now I'm thinking, what the hell...let's develop a drug habit again! Only this time, let's make it super-interesting! How about heroin! You know, cos the goal is to tread new ground here. Go for the gusto, take it to the limit, do it right, etc etc etc.

Or maybe I'll just read a book.