Yeah, I fuckin said it. Shut up. It should probably have said "love."
Now, on to my point.....if that's what you want to call it. I actually have more of a question. Especially for you long-term relationship/married folks out there.
So, I used to be a hopeless romantic. Until a certain someone ruined all that. But whatever. These things happen, to everyone. So I can't exactly complain and groan on about how my life is empty and devoid of meaning cos I go my heart broken. It happens.
Here's the problem. For some reason, and I can't pinpoint what that reason is, since that time I haven't ever really used the bad "L" word seriously. Let me clarify, I haven't used it seriously with someone I was involved with. Family, best friends, etc, that's different. I have no problem saying it to them and meaning it.
So, I'm beginning to wonder what's happened, and I have a couple of theories. 1. I've become so jaded that I've disassociated myself with those types of feelings, and am thus not capable of them. 2. I haven't met anyone who makes me feel like that. 3. Maybe my definition of what love should look like has changed. I'm leaning towards number three. Let me explain.
I'm starting to think that in the naivete that is a 17-year old's mind, love is supposed to be one thing. This thing is defined by cheesy love songs and montages in romantic comedies and R&B music. Read: it's commercial. Maybe now I'm thinking that it's way more complicated than that. Maybe it's little moments that give you that rush, not having that light-headed dopey feeling all the time. Maybe I just appreciate different things now, or something. Maybe love isn't some all-encompassing romantic thing, but something much more real, tangible, if you will.
Now I've lost my train of thought. I have a really hard time putting what I'm thinking into words, and sometimes it comes out totally wrong and wierd. But if you get what I'm saying and you have input, let me know. Like I've said before, sometimes it's easier to see the truth from the outside, rather than when you're in the middle of the situation.
