Some Unlikely Wisdom

Something happens to many in my generation upon turning 25. Apparently, it's the new crisis age that demands self evaluation and bouts of irrationality. Today, however, in the midst of struggling through another day of nothing, I had what can only be best described as an epiphany of sorts. I remembered a conversation in which I said something to the effect of….I'm not sure when I'll ever feel like I'm grown and have it all sorted out. Hell, most days I still see myself as that seventeen year old kid, with more money and not living at home. So the question became….when do we grow up, when does "real life" start, when does all this work and all these plans mean anything?

I spend most days looking forward to the evenings. I spend most work days looking forward to the weekends. I spend most weeks as countdowns to the next big trip or event or pay day. I spend most months at markers between birthdays and holidays. If I can get through today, then tonight will be good. If I can make it through the week, Sunday will be great. Once winter is over, then I can enjoy the outdoors again.

And really, it's bigger than that for all of us, isn't it? When I find my dream job, then life will really start. Maybe if I get married, then life starts and I'll feel like an adult. Someday when I have a family then everything will be in place. Once I get out of school, then I can get around to my goals. Ask anyone who has children…..they want the family, then they want the babies to be older so they can interact more, then just let us get through their teens, and so on. One day you wake up and that baby is 21 and has something like a life of their own and you wonder where all the time went.

We spend most of our lives looking forward to the benchmark events that we think will finally bring about the happiness we've been searching for. But the reality is, I think, that happiness is laced throughout the journey through those events. I spent far too much of my teens thinking I'd finally be happier once I was out of the house and on my own. Now I look back and realize there are so many things I could have enjoyed more had I taken the time to find happiness in the experiences I was in the middle of. Not that I had a miserable adolescence. Far from it. I've been lucky in a lot of ways. But how much more robust could all of that been had I not been so pre-occupied with what comes next?

So, now the hard part. I know what I should be doing, but how to execute? And even more challenging, how do I find anything worth caring about from nine to five?

We shall see…