Roller Coaster

I find that categorizing any one thread of consciousness as "life" to be a little redundant.

However, since my thought patterns bounce from deeply personal to trivial to profound to ridiculous in a matter of minutes, I'll allow it. I choose to blame this one on either inefficient choices or my own inability to focus. Either way.....

The past few weeks have been a little blurry. I have, for the first time in years, lost my sense of time and perspective. I can't say that I hate it, but it's not comfortable. My immaturity has led me to seek out all forms of distraction from what I should be doing while my responsibility has kept me somewhat grounded. Somewhat.

I can't remember a time outside of my mid-teens (just like everyone else) when I've been through such extremes of emotion, mental stability, and the most frightening of all, consciousness.

Gut-wrenching pain to childlike euphoria. Complete apathy to undistracted motivation. Unquestionable confidence to crippling fear. Irrational rage to quiet resignation. Fill in with varying degrees of numbness and salience.

A profound thing happens when you realize you have the power to control a large part of what happens in your life. It's empowering, and terrifying. Think about it. If you don't like where you are in life, you can change it. Sure, things might get worse before they get better. Or they may not be what you thought. But therein lies the experience. And it's all about the journey, after all.

In the middle of recent events, advice from multiple sources has come flooding back to haunt and help me. Some came from my mother, from friends, mentors, my own crazy mind. Some I should have listened to the first twenty times, some I thankfully took immediately to heart, and some I've yet to get through my head and really accept. So, for purposes of The Greater Good, I'd like to share some things that have saved me.

First and foremost: Pinpoint your passion.

Don't expect anyone else to make you happy.

Don't compromise what's important to you, for anything.

You don't have to make the same mistakes twice. Or maybe you do.

You are beautiful.

We only get one shot at this life, and wasting time is the biggest disservice you can do for yourself or anyone else.

Your parents are human, too.

A great smile and cute shoes will only get you so far. After that, you'd better have some substance to back it up.

Don't expect him to change. Choose what you can and cannot accept, then decide if it's enough.

There are an infinite number of people in this world to love and share infinite lives with. Who's to say there's really only one?

Failure doesn't build character.

Rage against the dying of the light.

If you do not find peace in yourself, you will never find it anywhere else.

Your behavior has consequences.

Be willing to fail.

The quarter life crisis hit me square in the face like nothing I've ever experienced. Why? Probably because I expected it to. Maybe I needed an excuse to pull my head out of my ass for a second. I need to remember a few things, above all. I'm young. Really. At 25, I've experienced more than I ever thought I would and more than many of my friends ever will. And for that I'm grateful. But I know now that I've barely scratched the surface of what life could be. I have all the time in the world to check things off my list. Or crumple it up and throw it in the fire, ready to accept whatever things that forces stronger than myself have planned.

I hope some of this is helpful. Some of you will dismiss these as emotional masturbation. That's fine. Maybe it is. Who's to say I've never been selfish? But rest assured, my intentions were mostly noble. And finally, something new, for the looking forward....

"Believe, when you are most unhappy, that there is something for you to do in the world. So long as you can sweeten another's pain, life is not in vain." - Helen Keller