Things I Hate

Excessive amounts of anything on a sandwich or burger. Especially if it's mayo. Dear god. Thick, gooey, sometimes chunky goodness. I almost yarked.

I also hate whiny boys. "Oh poor me, life is awful, God hates me - even tho I don't believe in God - the bastard still hates me, I lose everything I love, why do you have to leave, why can't we just be happy together, let me share the darkness that is my tortured soul, please help me become normal, but fuck normal because it's overrated, but I love you because you're normal....." Jesus. Just shut the hell up. Please. Life sucks, get a helmet.

What else do I hate? Britney Spears. That retard is going to be someone's mother. For fuck's sake. I still maintain that in order to breed, you should have, oh I dunno, like 60 college credit hours. Why? Let me explain. This means you at least have the fortitude to commit to something, and see it thru. It also gurantees that you're not a total and complete retard. Also, it means that you're not sixteen and having babies. See? What's the problem? To be in charge of daily working activities of your peers you would need just as much, why then do you need nothing to be responsible for the entire life of another human?

Blah.

Having said all that.....

I love napkins, with which you can remove large globs of funky mayo. I also like boys who aren't completely damaged and don't whine about every little thing that ever went wrong in their lives. This is a good thing. This means you're healthy and know how to handle life, like the rest of the world. I also like people like me :-) People who realize that, at this current point in their lives, they are not ready to breed, nor do they want to. Why? I could list a few reasons, but that doesn't really matter. The point is making a conscious decision not to bring another (and I know I'm gonna catch hell for this) unnecessary life into this fucked up world.

Blah. Enough of that.

I'm happy right now. No, really, I am. Crazy, huh? The boy is wonderful (so far, I'll admit, I'm still waiting for the bottom to fall out). Work doesn't suck half as much as it could. And, that's about it, really.

I, Zombie

I don't remember the last time I've been this tired.

But whatever, I can hang. I'm hardcore like that.

Crazy week. Very crazy indeed. Those first few days back to work are always bad, but I think I got my ass handed to me this time.

But you know, I don't care. Cos life is...strangely good for the moment.

"What's the best thing to come out of Oklahoma?"

"I-35 South."

HA

RIP and stuff

Crap, not again...

Let me just say that I'm very tired of people dying. OK I know people die every day and stuff, that's not what I'm talking about. I'm talking about people my age whom I've known since we were small children. I'm also tired of this happening repeatedly in a short span of time.

Flashback to the Summer of '01. This is what I lovingly refer to as "The Summer of Death." A few friends, all dead within a month of each other, all tragic. Overdose, car accident, murder.

Back to the present. Three more friends, not so close together, but a little closer to home. Heart attack, unexplained medical problem, car accident.

It's really exhausting. And this doesn't include family members and people who, in all honesty, had lived full, productive lives. That's different. That is, as bad as it may sound, more acceptable; easier to deal with.

I was talking to a good friend of mine, and we agreed: People our age shouldn't be talking about who died that we grew up with. We should be talking about weddings and babies and stupid stuff like that. But, you know, shit happens and that's how things work out sometimes.

Wisdom for the Day

In the best stories, hope wins out against better judgment and the skeptics are proved wrong.

Take Disney movies, the 1980 U.S. Olympic hockey team or the Disney movie about the 1980 U.S. Olympic hockey team.

I Hate Yankees

A lot.

Especially self-righteous New England types who think Texan = Moron. Fuck you. Fuck you and your bad accent. Fuck your laws and your "well, where I live it's like this..." and fuck your stupid baseball team.

Check it out. I smoke, a lot. I drink, a lot. And guess what? I've been doing it this way for years, and absolutely no one is going to try and tell me that I can't. Especially in my own goddamn house. Again I say, fuck you.

I have never, ever had anyone question my judgment. You know why? Cos it's good. I'm not a fucktard who thinks it's neat to get wasted and just go for a drive. Jesus.

Insult my home, insult my intelligence, insult my family, insult my boy, insult my kids, insult my fucking truck....F-U-C-K-Y-O-U. I'm sure you're just upset because my dog has a bigger dick than you, but seriously, there are better ways of coping.

You hate Texas? Good. We hate you, too. Now go home.

Application to be my Boyfriend

Now, here is a simple questionnaire. Please fill out your answers and submit your application with a photograph of yourself and any pertinent information you feel I should know while processing your application. Keep in mind, there are no wrong answers, this just makes it easy for me to do a quick-analysis.

1. Do you have a high school education? If so, have you pursued any higher education?
2. Do you still live at home with your parents? If so, please explain why.
3. Is pot the most you ever experimented with as far as drugs go? Also, please give me your definition of what qualifies as a “drug.” Give examples if necessary.
4. Do you still realistically think that you’ll be a rock star someday?
5. Do you like dogs? Do you like cats?
6. Have you/would you watch either the entire Star Wars or Lord of the Rings trilogy in one sitting?
7. Could you name 5 Ozzy Osbourne songs before the Osbournes had a show on MTV? If so, did you stop wanting to after the show debuted?
8. Do you go to church? Is it on Swiss and Good Latimer?
9. Do you like hockey? If so, what’s your favorite team?
10. It’s Super Bowl Sunday. You are:
a. Throwing the best party ever! Beer, grilled meat, lots of people!
b. Attending a friend’s best party ever, because that’s where everyone is.
c. At home, watching the game with a few friends and some chips.
d. Doing anything but watching football.
11. How many girls have you slept with?
12. How many guys have you slept with?
13. Do you have an obsessive love for any one band? If so, please elaborate.
14. Do you hate country music?
15. Do you oppose racism but accept it as a viable source of humor?
16. Do you say “fuck” in front of your mom?
17. Can you cook? This means in a kitchen with real ingredients, not just on a grill.
18. You’re in love. She lives well over 500 miles away. The solution:
a. Pack up and move your ass. You care about her, not location.
b. Negotiate about who is moving.
c. She’s moving to you. If she cares enough, she will.
d. I don’t do long distance.
19. If you're going to the movies, do you get there in enough time to see the trailers?
20. Do you like Chinese food?
21. Do you have tattoo’s and/or piercings?
22. Your wife makes more money than you do:
a. This is a huge problem
b. Thank god, that means I don’t have to
c. Good for her, she deserves it.
d. She's probably sleeping with her boss.
23. Have you ever been arrested? If so, have you been convicted? Was it a felony? Did you go to jail?
24. Is beer an acceptable beverage for every occasion?
25. Essay: Explain, in 500 words or less, why Aerosmith and the Rolling Stones are or are not the exact same band.

Damn

And it was turning out to be such a good day...

So, you may have to reference previous blogs to understand this. But a select few will get it. I've had quite a few toys in my young life. Many were crappy and broken. One was perfect. Yet, this one was somehow unavailable. It was never really mine, but I got to play with it for awhile. Well, now said toy has been claimed by another little girl who wants to keep it forever. It's a sad day. But you know, life goes on. It was foreign made anyways...